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Sex talk: When did you last do your kegels?

I talk about kegel exercises so much that many assume they are only beneficial to women; nope. Men too benefit greatly from strengthening their pelvic floor muscles, if done correctly.

It is difficult to point out for you exactly where this pubococcygeus (pelvic floor) muscle is, but if you try to stop your flow mid-urination, that is the same muscle that you need to contract and release during kegel exercises.

I focus more on women when it comes to kegels, because of how this muscle directly affects our sex lives. After a woman pushing a few babies, her sexual livelihood can fully be dependent on how strong her pelvic floor muscles are.

While the vagina is designed by God to expand during childbirth and bounce back naturally afterwards, the repeated rigours and trauma it is subjected to during that life-giving process can leave her muscles weaker than before. And like all muscles, they need toning to feel and perform better.

In women, kegels’ main purposes are two: stop incontinence, which is the first sign of a weaker pubococcygeus (PC) muscle, and to improve a woman’s grip and sensuality during sex. When those two functions of the PC fail, it can steadily but surely ruin a woman’s marriage by bringing her sex life to a grinding halt.

When you see a beautiful woman crying that her husband is no longer interested in her sexually, please check her PC muscle before you scrutinize her face and figure for what could possibly be wrong, before concluding that her husband must be mad.

Imagine a marriage where your wife constantly has a smell of urine about her because of incontinence, and on top of that, makes you feel too small (penile size) during penetration, because her muscles gave out a long time ago.

So, ladies, every time you remember – as you wait for your results at the doctor’s, as you queue at the bank, as you dance at the club, during intercourse, as you mingle the posho – do yourself a favour and work out your pelvic floor muscles by squeezing and releasing, as though trying to stem urine flow.

Now men, age, frequent urination due to diabetes or a problematic prostate gland, can all weaken your pelvic floor muscles and introduce complications such as urinary incontinence and premature ejaculation, among others.

It would be a shame if your wife took care of herself and greatly improved her grip on you during sex, only for you to sign out before even the sign-in process is complete!

Following the same technique of squeezing for a few seconds then releasing, you are helping your pelvic floor muscles serve you better. Don’t just focus on your biceps, abs and quads; the PC muscle that you cannot readily flaunt on the streets could be the most important one to your happiness; so, don’t ignore it.

Squeeze and release several times a day, depending on how weak your pelvic floor has become. You will squeeze and release yourself out of premature ejaculation, that annoying trickle after urinating that many times wets your trousers, etc.

The things that break marriages are oftentimes not big; it is these otherwise ‘minor’ issues but with major consequences, such as weak pelvic floor muscles.

A husband may fear to sound insensitive to the mother of his lovely children by complaining that, “The grip is no longer there since Junior’s birth”, so he suffers in silence or finds alternatives; a wife may not want to make her husband feel inadequate due to his frequent premature ejaculation, so she continues stoking his ego with, “No worries. It happens to every man”, while she finds an alternative too.

But it is yourself that you cannot lie to; you know that things feel and look weird these days. So, fix them. Do your kegels and make life enjoyable once more.

caronakazibwe@ gmail.com

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